2019 is gonna be a year of love!!! a year of resilience!!! a year of “i did that”!!! a year of finding good music and being moved by lovely things and seeing your goals crystallize and come closer & closer into reach!!! and above all it’s gonna be a year of forgiving yourself for screwing up and pushing through ANYWAY!!!
The amount of times I could have been that white girl in the horror movie could honestly be a movie in itself and it’s honestly a waste that my entire life isn’t constantly recorded on film because it would be HILARIOUS
1. That one time I decided to see what was past the old gate in the woods, but when got there it had been smashed in half and there was a decapitated sheep head with no skin just off the trail, so instead I just turned around and went home.
2. That time some friends and I went camping and we found a pile of bones wrapped in a garbage bag buried under a log, but the adult supervisor told us it was nothing, so we just put it back and didn’t talk about it again.
3. The time I was getting chased through the woods at night and I realized “wait it’s dark as fuck” so I just held still until the guy gave up and left.
4. The time this dude said he was in love with me and so he was going to cut my head off and dump my body in a lake, so I told him to grow the hell up, but then he got caught stealing girl’s underwear a day later and I never saw him again
5. That one time in college where I was taking a shortcut on my home at night and a car followed me into a dark alley, so I stared directly into the driver’s side of the window and walked towards it to psych them out
6. The night I was out on a walk and this old guy told me he’d locked his keys in his truck and that he needed someone my size to crawl in through the back window for him, so I told him “you know that sounds super suspicious right” and told him where to find a pay phone for a tow truck instead
7. The one time this random guy on the street said he was in love with me and so he was going to follow me home on my bus, so I clapped him on the shoulder and told him that if he got that close to my bus then I was going to throw him under the wheels, but then this really nice homeless man from Nigeria told the guy to fuck off and then checked to make sure he didn’t follow me onboard
8. That big cat with yellow eyes who I found in a well and brought home who used to put rotting meat in my closet and wake me up by chewing on my face, until I put him back outside and never saw him again.
9. My one cousin who used to come over for the summer who kept calling me ‘piñata’ and hitting me with sticks, until he went back home and was sent to juvie cause he finally got caught torturing animals
10. The time I got lost on the way to a meeting and wound up at a circus tent instead, and got followed by a full-out clown for three vacant street blocks
11. The pet hamster I had when I was seven who would scream all night and eventually escaped by ripping a bar out of its cage and wiggling through the hole. My mom caught it and put it back but it lived another year and a half until one night the screaming just stopped
12. The time I was whistling in the woods and something started whistling back, so I went home
13. That one night at summer camp where a group of girls got together to play ‘bloody mary’ in the lavatory and invited me to come with them so I said “no thanks” and stayed with the camp councillors and drank soup instead.
14. The old abandoned house I just moved into with the door that leads into a big empty room full of dirt and empty cooking pots that I just sort of… locked up forever and never go near
15. Once when I was at an ihop I saw a coffee mug do a full 360º spin with nobody touching it, so I said ‘that was neat’ and never ate there again
16. The time I took a photo of a big old raven sitting on the crucifix on top of the old town church cause it was the most goth thing I’d ever seen, right? But then it swooped down towards me, so I apologized immediately for being rude, and I felt a little silly for a while but the car that hit me on the way home didn’t even leave a bruise so idk be nice to birds
Sorry I know I bring this shit up a lot but sometimes im awake at night and I just. keep thinking
I think the secret to survival is to be good to animals, stay away from men, and say “no thanks” to everything else
Reasons I believe my friend is secretly some kind of deity
1) First time we spoke was a week after the beggining of freshman year she summed up my entire character and most of the events of my life Sherlock style. I asked her how the hell she knew all that. She just shrugged and said she figured out our entire class already.
2) The one time we had religion class instead of ethics she listened to the teacher for a few minutes, laughed and told me:
“Humans have wished to be gods so much they’ve forgotten they have to ability to create them. Imagination has truly suffered from this ‘monotheism’ stuff.”
I was confused and asked her if she was an atheist. She rolled her eyes and said:
“Oh I believe in god alright. I just don’t think the bastard deserves to be worshipped.”
3) Out of nowhere she gave me this advice:
“The only truth a liar ever told was that lies weren’t going to save you. Don’t become the liar who has to pass that wisdom on, because they speak from experience.”
4) To this day, she has one of those old-timey phones with buttons she only uses to ocassionally call someone. When I asked her why she never got a smartphone she got pouty:
“I hate social media. On Facebook they talk a lot but never say anything. If I wanted to listen to people moan about their problems and ask for help they don’t expect I’d listen to their prayers.” (Notice the choice of words)
5) I noticed she was stiff and I offered her a massage since I’m really good at it but when i started kneading her back I swear to this day those were not muscles I felt. I asked her what she did to turn her muscles into rocks covered with a thin layer of skin and she kinda froze then shrugged and said she was just really, really stiff. My hands hurt after ten minutes when I can usually go for an hour. Next time I offered she seemed surprised and laughed. She still has rocks for muscles.
6) We were having a debate over the way neural pathways are formed (I study biology and she forensics) and I jokingly asked if I could have her brain for study when she dies. She laughed.
“Sure, if you find a way to kill me you can have it. I’m actually curious what you’re gonna find.”
7) One time she was tired and miserable and I tried to comfort her. We both have really dark sense of humor so I told her she could scare the dead out of their graves with that glare. She told me the dead can’t come back and I rolled my eyes and said ‘obviously’ but she continued:
“When you die you descend to the underworld with nothing to lose. To keep you, they give you something to lose. When you want to return, they will demand it back. That’s why nobody ever leaves. The only way out is to never enter.”
8) One day she just came up to me with a disappointed look on her face. When I asked her what was wrong she was quiet for a few seconds and then just told me:
“Betrayals committed in good intentions are still damning. Just… keep that in mind.” Then she left and didn’t speak to me for three days. I still don’t know what she meant but even three years later I haven’t forgotten it.
9) We were casually sitting on a bench when, out of nowhere, she asked me: “Is it just me or have humans gotten dumber? Or have they always been this stupid and I just haven’t been paying attention?”
10) She asked me if I ever wondered what it was like to die. I said no but told her I would tell her when I found out. I meant it as a ghost joke but she smiled at me and said:
“Great. I’ll wait for you to come back. Maybe you’ll even remember me.”
In conclusion, she is some kind of low-key god and she lost her faith in humanity even before we lost our faith in her but she’s stuck with us because immortality is a bitch.
P.S. I just remembered her name is a variation on ‘Eve’. Maybe I should reconsider my atheist status?!
Books,
being reserved, ambitious but unstructured, loving but from a distance,
adorable, green, glasses, curly hair, funny jokes, hosting a party and then
disappearing.
Taurus:
Very
loving, affectionate, creative, crying of joy, crying of sadness, fridge
magnets, blue and brown, glitter, roses, magazines, beaches, unsolves
frustration, swiping everything under the carpet, doll house life.
Gemini:
Fragile but
strong, the sweetest people, hurt easily but will bounce back, the best
listeners, good at comforting, loving eyes, adorable and funny, beige and red,
colourful hair, insecurity, taking care of yourself.
Cancer:
Loud,
obnoxious, facades, self-depriving jokes, theatre, acting, always wanting the
best for their friends, hard to explain their emotions, disappearing off of the
face of earth, blue and bordeaux, bag packs, hand watches, good company.
Leo:
Sweet, nice
smells, dyed red hair, crafting, drawing, talent, life of the party, glitter,
un typical smart kid, mental health issues, always helping their friends.
Dancing alone, flirting, brunch, pineapples, the feeling of childhood
happiness.
Virgo:
Dreamy
eyed, loving, making sure everyone has fun. Claustrophobia and social anxiety,
idols and celebrities, yellow and pink, doubting, always feeling like they look
dumb, the instant fondness, the crush, half-bad eyeliner. Back hugs, kisses on
the forehead, romantic.
Libra:
Easily
hurt, wants everything to be perfect, eyeliner and eyeshadow, popping
confidence, fashion, creativity and music, the edgy kid, loving and
affectionate, will kiss your shoulder platonically, trust issues, single, black
and green, sour candy.
Scorpio:
Bossy,
wants things their way, never cries, stressing in airports, traveling, either
tall or short, hugging, confusing, hair on point, life of the party, charming,
little quirks, smiles that can outshine the sun, deep attraction.
Sagittarius:
Emotional,
sometimes doesn’t think about the consequences, hurts people unintentionally, a
bit manipulative but caring towards those they truly love, tattoos, goth gf,
scary on the outside, goofy on the inside. Kids, chocolate, coffee, dark green.
Capricorn:
Relationships,
cutting their hair, reserved around new people, getting hurt in the past,
caring family, leader nature, gold and red, cats, books, looks dumb but is
smart, studying, not talking for months but reconnecting as if nothing
happened. Staying out of drama, brands, minimalistic.
Aquarius:
Quiet,
midnight adventures, being high, deep conversations at 4 in the morning, nerdy
and passionate, lazy, everyone loves them but they’re oblivious, not doing
homework, procrastinating, heartbreak, cant say no, white and blue, secretive.
Pisces:
The
embodiment of kindness, wants to hear both sides of the story, un reciprocated
crushes, falling in love hard, good music taste. Likes silent company, holing
hands in the car, soft eyes, crying when someone does something for them that
they didn’t expect, handy, knows a lot, bad in school but good in life. Loving,
respective and honour.
Here’s what gets me about choice feminism (shaving, makeup, other performative femininity):
If you feel anxious, ugly, embarrassed, or generally bad about going out in public and around others when you have failed to do it, how much of a choice is there?
WOW
“The most dangerous form
of non-freedom, is non-freedom which is not even perceived as such”
